Cross to bear
by Sailorrabbit
Summary: Erik has been left alone in the world, he has destoryed the things that ment the most to him,he has been left with nothing.What did the phantom do after he was alone,where did he go and whom did he go to for help? What life could a monster lead?
1. Chapter 1

Authors note:Hey everyone and welcome to my story.This is really my first story, and im rather nervous about it but at the same time i love the subject of which im writing about! The phantom im using in my story is based on the lovley Gerry Butler, for whom inspired my love of the phantom. All i ask is that you review this story, even if its only on the first chapter ill be happy,becasue the first chappy is what makes a story ne?So thank you for taking the time to look at this and i hope you enjoy.

OH PS.I don't own any of the characters so far,and im not making a profit from this at all

Not knowing what to do, nor where to go has to be one of the hardest things anyone will have to go through. Without a sense of direction, a reason for being one has nothing. There is little to wake up to each morning, and there is no purpose for starting your day. For that person there is no beginning, no middle and certainly no end. At least, not a happy ending. Erik had none of these things, there was no reason for him to wake up, no purpose, nothing. Every day blended into the next one, he didn't know whether it had been one day, one month, one year since _she_ had gone. But she was gone, and that was the only knowledge Erik ever had to learn again. All hope of a happier life had gone completely now, tomorrow and the next day and every other day after that would be filled with nothing but contempt, misery and unhappiness. Hope, they say its frail yet it's hard to kill. Erik's hope had be killed in the most brutal way possible, he couldn't have any other hope now other than for death to become something other than himself and finally take him to the real hell which he deserved.

He had prided himself on being the King of the Opera house, being the Red death, something so feared, so unshakable in his foundations, something that people both feared and respected. He was powerful then, he was King. But the mighty warrior he believed himself out to be was weaker than he could ever have imagined. Cut down by the simple actions of girl in love and despair. Actions that would haunt him for the rest of his life, however long that might be. Nothing could have prepared him for the look in her eyes, that pity that she took upon him. He hated that look. It was the same look Madame Giry had given him when she was a small child, watching him be beaten for things beyond his control. Although in that case it has been a good advantage for him, the pity, it had helped him escape to a world that completely belonged to him. And that was the only thing he ever really wanted, something that was totally his and his alone. Something that faced past betrayal, something solid and something warm. Erik thought that she was that thing, he was mistaken. But what to do now? Where to go? It had never occurred to him what he would do one day if he was discovered in the depths of the Opera house, he never imagined that she would deny him, she was going to accept him on his first advance, give herself to him completely, and never ask about the mask that covered half of his face. He **knew **she would. But she didn't. He had be so wrong about her, building her up to be more than a doe eyed child, she was innocent, unaware of lust or passion, only the simply childish love that she had once shared with the Vicompt, something she favoured over what he could have given her.

He wasn't sure where his lust or passion came from, never having felt the touch of a woman's skin before; he believed that it was impossible for him to feel any affection for the fairer sex. He had been wrong again about that, he was, although most of the time he himself did not believe it, a human man. And his blood could boil with lust just the same as any other man's could. The disfigurement upon his face had no effect on that of his brain nor any other parts belonging to a man. He had wanted her, more than wanting to play his music from dawn till dusk, but he could no more have her than one could pluck a star from heaven. In reality she was something he could look at, something to be put in a glass case, like a beautiful sculpture to be admired. She had a beauty that he knew he could never have, and that was why he studied her, she was everything he wanted to be. Something so foreign to him that he couldn't help but be fascinated with what he could never have himself.

He was lost. He knew that, everyone that had ever helped him in his life was gone. And the fault could only be his to bear. He didn't understand that you cannot take from someone without them expecting something in return. The term "you don't get something for nothing" meant very little to him in his world. He took what he wanted from people, as those before had taken what they had wanted from him. That was the way it was, you took what you wanted and no one stopped you. He wanted 20,000 francs a month, he took it, he wanted the key to her dressing room, he took it, he wanted her, he took her. But this was the one time when someone decided to appose him, Raoul, the name made him sick to his stomach just thinking about it. The boy was the opposite of him in ever way, they were like day and night. And Erik realised that so were him and Christine, she was the sun in the bright morning sky, and he was the moon in the dark hollow night, they could not exist together because they would cancel each other out, he would kill the sun and the sun would kill the moon. It was not meant to be.

Erik didn't know what he was going to do with his future, he really didn't have one now that she was gone, and he had no home to go back to, the mod had destroyed everything, Little Meg had even taken his mask, the last cross he had to bear and she had taken it. He was grateful to her for riding him of the foul thing, but then what was he without his mask? His wall to hide him? There was no going back from whence he came. There was only forward, something that Erik believed held little promise.

Note:So thats its, my first chapter is done.I know there was't alot going on but its kind of the prologue to things and most of the time they are never very interesting, i hope that you atleast liked a little bit of it though and i would greatly appreciate your opinions on how i can imoprove, what was good about it, what was bad about it, or if i should simply just give up nowThank you!


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors note: Bonjour everyone! And welcome to the second chapter of my story, yay! LOL. I wasn't too sure about the first chapter but peeps seemed to think it was ok for my first try. Like I always say "It can always get worse" So yeah, im putting this chapter up so soon because I really don't want to loose my track of thought and I know a lot of people are put off by only one chapter stories! Ok im just gonna get to the writing now!_

_Disclaimer :I don't own the characters in this story so far, they are property of the writer of "The Phantom of the opera" I make nothing out of this story at all._

Living in a hole in the ground, it was not something that was working well for Erik. Being so used to being able to get up and walk around the Opera House as he pleased, climbing the rafters and the statues of the roof, were activates that were all sorely missed now that he was in the situation that he was in. Living this way had brought Erik's pride to a new all time low, if only the people that were once to afraid of him could see him now! Erik knew that living in that tiny hole was one of the most foolish things he had ever done, he could just of easily gone a brought a home. Any home he wanted, no matter the size. After all the 20,000 francs he had received each month hadn't just been spent on creating Christine the perfect room, he was smart enough to save just over half each month just in case of an emergency. Obviously being chased out of his own home into a dark damp hole wasn't planned on.

The hole in which Erik was now hiding was small to say the least, though there was enough room for small movement and enough space to lie down and sleep, not that Erik was getting much of that. The walls were made of a rough stone, as carved right in the centre of a rock, candles in rusty holders had been attached to the wall near where Erik sat so as to provide some kind of light, the floor was bare dirt. There should be no misconceptions that Erik was sitting in this hole because he had no other choice; oh no he was sitting here because it was the only place he believed he could get closer to hell than actually dying. He had actually built the hole not long after he first came to the Opera house, trying to create a place where he could become closer to what he believed was his real home, to be closer to the demons of hell that people had so often told him was his kin. It wasn't until Christine came that he never went inside again, until now.

He really didn't have any where else to go, other than back to the freak show and that was something that frightened Erik more than the mob, more that being alone for the rest of his life, even more so than spending an eternity in hell having his soul burning forever. And who would help him? No one in their right mind would want to, all he had ever brought to anyone was pain and misery something he understood all too well now.

"Who really in their right state of mind would want to aid a monster?" Erik hung his head simply knowing that there would really be no one who would.

Suddenly light was showered down on him from the entrance above. Someone had opened the trap door! "I think Monsieur that person would be me, the only God knows why I would be willing to help you again after the last time"

Erik's head shot up towards the entrance, trying desperately to see the face to place with the voice he knew so well. Madame Giry's face could be seen above, slightly illuminated by the candles that were his only light, making her seem like some unearthly creature sent to give him salvation. She looked down at him, in a mixture of pity and fear, not knowing if she was truly doing the right thing in helping the person who had caused so much damage.

Sighing in both frustration and understanding Madame Giry called to him "I suggest that you get out of the dirt and climb up this ladder, I didn't come here for my heath. Honestly if people could see you now you would be a laughing stock" Erik really didn't care as to what the others would have thought of him, knowing that even know after everything that had happened, even in his pathetic state people would still hold some fear towards him and what he could do. But as he understood that Madame Giry was always the one to save him, she was the one of rescue him from the freak show, the one to find him a home, and the one to deliver his messages to the owners of the Opera house. Although, Erik thought she was also the one that ratted me out to Christine's lover.

"You do realise, Madame that this is partially your fault?"

"Erik this is just as much your fault as it is mine, more so your own! I did nothing but fear for someone I considered a daughter, and you were simply out of your mind. Now I will not tell you again, climb up this ladder!" Impatiently she leaned away from the entrance, disappearing out of Erik's sight

Sighing Erik stood, reaching for the ladder. It would be no use to try and deny the woman anything, since the first moment he had known her she had done as she pleased, never caring for what other people thought should be done but going by her own morals. That was what had saved him. Climbing up the ladder he wondered what would await him at the top, perhaps she had betrayed him once again and the whole French army would be ready and waiting to tear him to pieces, or another angry mob waiting to bludgeon him to death. Nothing would have surprised him; he after all deserved everything that happened to him. He closed his eyes just before he reached the top, not willing to see what might lie before him.

There was simply silence that greeted him, no screaming, no calls for his blood, just nothing. Slowly Erik opened one eye, still not believing that there would be no one there. But there wasn't all that was there was what he had left when he had entered the hole. The hidden corridor that lead here, the bare rock walls with all the candles snuffed out and Madame Giry just next to him looking at him with the oddest expression. "What in the world do you think you are doing? Sitting in a hole in the ground. You could have caught your death down there you stupid boy."

"I believe Madame that I was trying to escape from the angry mob that wanted to tear me all to pieces, I would prefer to die by my own hand than like a hunted animal" Erik raised himself up to full height, how dare she come here and reprimand him for something that she had a hand in bringing him to? If she hadn't revealed everything to the Vicompt everything would have turned out for the better, for him at least!

Madame Giry looked him up and down, tutting as she did so like a mother looking over her child after a day of playing in the mud. She was not pleased with what she saw, he was a complete mess and it was no wonder with where he had been living. Erik's wig had become dirty and mattered from the care that had been denied it, his face was covered in so much dirt that she found it hard to tell the difference between the normal half of his face and the disfigured half, his clothes where full of rips and were almost as unclean as his face. He really was a sight to see. No more where there fine Opera clothes, no fine airs and fine graces, and no more mask to hide the one thing that frightened him more than death yet bonded every person in his life to him.

Folding his arms in front of his chest Erik gave Madame the same scrutiny. She looked the same as the last time he had seen her, stern as ever, but with a soft look hidden in her eyes give only to those she cared for deeply." Madame you are here but for what purpose? I am to die here and yet you again are getting in the way. Do you not know how to learn from pervious mistakes?"

The look her received was not one that should be taken lightly "Now you listen to me, I have a responsibility towards you, I brought you to this Opera house in the first place and I took care of you in your early years till you didn't need me anymore, and im going to do that again and if you do not like it then you can simply sit here and wallow in your own pity and prove everyone right that you really are nothing but an animal." Growling Erik advanced towards her, his steps where heavy after not walking for a long time. "You have a responsibility towards me? If that is true then where were you when I needed you the most? At the time when I was so alone that I turned to a small child as my only comfort?"

There was a pleading in his voice, Madame Giry noted, it was as if he was begging her to persist that she was indeed responsible for him, that he had someone in the world that could take care of him even if it was only because of the guilt of bringing him here which had eventually lead to the destruction he had caused. Lowering her shoulders, which had been raised in ready of defending herself, she reached out to him, placing her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture.

"Erik, listen to me. I know the pain you have gone through with Christine leaving, but things do not just stop because of this, people move on, times change and so do feelings. You cannot just wait here to die when you really have so much to give."

"So much to give? I have nothing but pain and death to give. I only know how to hurt those around me that I wish only to care about and protect, I only know about death Madame." He looked at his hands when saying this, not wishing to see the agreement that would be in her eyes.

"For someone who I myself had proclaimed as a genius you are rather slow. You have what makes up your soul, you have your music. Even when you first started playing I was unable to avoid the emotions that you could created within me, It was as if the feelings you were unable to feel were being projected through the music and into the ones hearing it, allowing them to feel what your felt, to know what you knew, to see what you saw. It is truly a gift Erik. And If you did not wish to persure your music any further you have your ability to create the most beautiful buildings in the world. You helping in the building of this Opera house, it was hailed as one of the greatest in the world and it was all you. You did all of it Erik, you created something beautiful"

Erik sneered at the last comment, "Yes" He said, "and I also destroyed something very beautiful. I do not understand how you can believe that I can do the things I once did now. Everyone wants me dead, there is not a person alive in Paris that does not know who I am and I dare say that there is a hefty price on my head anyone would be glad to gain."

Laughing slightly under her breath Madame Giry looked at Erik with an expression of knowing. It was true, that for someone who was so knowledgeable about the arts, architecture even death he truly was rather simple when it came to the most obviously of things.

"Why Erik" she smiled "Who ever said anything about paris?"

_Authors note: Ok so I know a lot didn't happen in this chapter, but im just trying to find my style right now I think I just wanted to establish where Erik is and some of the feels he has ect. I would like to thank those who review my first chapter, I really appreciate it, I think its really going to help me. Anyway I hope that people review this chapter too, I would love to hear peoples opinions on it. Im off to start on the next chapter _


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